MUSINGS FROM A SINGLE MOM
by Margaret L. Schwartz

When people hear my story, they say “How brave you are.” and “What lucky children.” But they only hear what they want to—how I traveled to Ukraine at the age of 45 and adopted two adorable little boys. What they don’t hear about is the daily frustration I encountered during the four months I stayed at home with a two and three year old who had medical problems and developmental delays, including no verbal skills. Or how I would collapse, devoid of any energy, in front of the TV or my PC in the evenings, feeling depressed and lonely. As I re-read my journal entries, I can still remember the helplessness I felt as I was suddenly transformed into a 24x7 caretaker to two very active little boys.

Now, 18 months after being home with my children, there are still days when I feel overwhelmed by the constant demands of Rupert, age 4 and Nicki, age 3. But more and more I can stand over their sleeping bodies at night and marvel at the many blessings I have received as a parent. I believe now, more than ever, that we all have the ability to change our lives, at any age, if the desire is strong enough. For two decades I was an independent, successful career woman who traveled around the world in search of adventure. Now, when most of my peers are dealing with teenage traumas and sending children off to college, I’m focused on potty training and pre-school issues.

I can honestly say I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I made the decision to adopt two children at the same time as a single parent. Most new parents would probably say the same thing, but in hindsight I know there were many things I could have done differently to give myself more support during those first few months.

Here are my top three suggestions: Read, read, read.

I had no idea what the normal behavior was for a two and three year old, much less for children who had been institutionalized their entire lives. The children in the development books I received as gifts had little resemblance to my boys. I should have done more research on the developmental delays experienced by young children. Contact your local hospital to see if they have programs for prospective adoptive parents and ask if they have a recommended list of books.

Make contacts. In our society where most parents work, there is little time to explore local resources such as Mom’s Clubs, co-op babysitting groups and single parents organizations. I stumbled upon these groups by accident and they have been a godsend to me. Use the Internet and the local paper to ferret out these groups. Or, like me, hang out at the local park and chat up the other moms.

Pamper Yourself. Pardon me dads, but this one is just for the women folk. No matter what your budget constraints, you have to remember to take care of yourself. I’m talking about getting yourself a facial and a manicure, soaking in a hot tub with a good book once in awhile or simply go to the local mall and window shopping for a few hours. Don’t submerge yourself totally with your children or you will have no energy left to care for yourself.

About the Author: Margaret Schwartz is a successful marketing consultant and single mother of two adopted children. She has written a book, The Pumpkin Patch: A Single Woman's International Adoption Journey, (www.pumpkin-patch.net).